Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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