how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
