On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm like, not good at living.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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