she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I love you. Go after that dick
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
