my vag is so smooth its legendary
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
