I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
