It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
