I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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