Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
