did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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