yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
