They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
