he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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