can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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