xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
