so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
