I wish I could punch you in the face.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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