phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
