So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
