Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
