Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
