I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
