Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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