you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
