So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
