saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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