I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
