There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
