don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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