I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
