You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
