Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
