Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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