all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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