for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
ttyl tear gas
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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