Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
