She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
