it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
