cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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