OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
