Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
