listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
