there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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