Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
