ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
