how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
