I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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