I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
