My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
