In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You're like the curious george of whores
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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