A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
