some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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