Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
