I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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