yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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