we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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