I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
