I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
