Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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