allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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