we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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