we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
